


The troubled life of Team RNT

by epitomizedTyrant



Category: RWBY
Genre: F/F, Humor, Semi explicit sexual language and discussion., Toasters in chapter two, gun - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 11:12:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9179029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epitomizedTyrant/pseuds/epitomizedTyrant
Summary: Just a few short scenes from an AU I have going.Neo texts blake loudly and grumpily from across the room.Roman is afraid Pt.1: Toast TimeRoman is afraid Pt.2: Gun-GunMidnight Brawl: Neo is uncomfortable once againRoman is afraid Pt.3: Neo is losing her chill





	1. Chapter 1

Blake walked into the large shared kitchen to find Neopolitan sitting with her face pressed against the table. She looked up carefully only peeking with one eye and seemed relieved for some reason.

“Hey Neo, whats up?”

After a moment her scroll buzzed. Its not fair, read her text from Neo

“What isn’t?”

You wouldnt understand you’re married.

“Try me.”

Torchwick and Ruby are killing me. Slowly. One morning at a time.

Blake was kind of worried about where this was going. “How do you mean.”

Her phone buzzed with an image file. She opened it up to find a photo of the common room Neo shared with Roman and Ruby.  Roman, and his lithe but almost buff body stood nearly naked in a pair of short tight fitting underpants stirring a cup of coffee. His physique straddling the line between buff and merely thin. Ruby was sitting on the counter, one cookie in her mouth and one more in each hand, her legs covered by a towel and her nipples hidden from the camera by the cookies, which left nothing to the imagination about her battle scarred pale body, which was far more muscular than romans, with a bit more chub as well, hiding her abs completely, the many scars simply accentuating her muscles. Blake blushed a bit and quickly cleared the image.

“Why” she said, not really asking stunned by the sudden nudity.

The next text she could hear being angrily typed. It took a moment for her to finish.

EVERY GODDAMN MORNING WITH THIS! ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR THAT THE TWO HOTTEST PEOPLE I KNOW FLAUNT IN FRONT OF ME EVERY FUCKING DAY AND ITS FUCKING GAY ASS ROMAN TORCHWICK AND GAY ASS OBLIVIOUS PREOCCUPIED WITH GUNS RUBY ROSE 23S8JRCJNWO2X038

Neo was wildly gesticulating and had stood up to angrily pace. Blake noticed she was still in her pajamas, which were a simple pink and brown striped shirt and blouse. It momentarily occurred to blake that half the people she knew didn't break their color scheme even when they were in hiding. Including herself.

“Why dont you just... ” Blake made a series of lewd gestures with her hands “... yaknow.”

YOU THINK I DONT SPEND HALF AN HOUR EACH NIGHT WE DONT FIGHT SOMETHING DOING JUST THAT? IF I DIDNT ID HAVE BLUER LIPS THAN THAT GUY I THREW IN THE LAKE LAST MONTH.

“I.... do not know how to respond to that. Maybe you could ask Ruby to build you a little… high calibur something something?”

I’m too afraid that either I or it would misfire and it would turn into a shotgun or something.

“That... is a very valid point. Well, I’m sure you will have a day full of fully clothed people ahead of you.”

The second Blake closed her mouth Yang walked in wearing a skimpy set of workout clothes, the sports bra appearing to struggle to contain her and the incredibly short shorts giving Neo a blinding tract of sculpted thigh. Neo whimpered.

“Unless its thursday...”

Which was punctuated by the arrival of Juane Arc, Velvet Scarlatina, Nora Valkyrie, and Lie Ren, all dressed much the same.

“Hey Guys! Yang, you ready for our weekly workout session?” Jaune said in a disgustingly happy tone. Yang flexed and almost shouted a hell yeah. “Alright! Let's go ahead and do our stretches!”

Nora and Jaune took a position at the front of the small group to lead in the stretching, which meant placing them directly in front of and facing away from neo who had just sat back down, putting their spandex clad shapely asses directly at eye level for Neo.

Neo, for her credit was remarkedly quiet. Doing deep breathing exercises and relegating her frustration to her hand spasming around her scroll. Blake looked on in pity.

However there is no rest for the weary as Ruby rose, only with the addition of surprisingly skimpy underwear came striding down the stairs, followed by a Roman  who had only gained his hat since the photo was taken.

“Hey guys!” Ruby did in fact shout, at which Neos head whipped around and Blake could see her eyes open cartoonishly wide. Neo held her composure for nearly ten seconds at which point ruby walked by her to the fridge to rifle around for more cookies and her scarred unshaven body pushed Neo over the edge. Neopolitan seemed to just deflate into a sobbing puddle silently sobbing and assuredly cursing the world for surrounding her with such attractive people.


	2. Roman and the new toaster

Roman eyed the toaster suspiciously. It was not the toaster from last night. That one was silver and trustworthy. That one was normal. This one… this one looked like Crescent Rose had reproduced with the toaster. This one was red and angular and  _ angry _ with thick armor and violent corners, it was a double wide, which was a point to its favor, but, if his suspicions were correct it might also be a gun of some sort. Or a bladed weapon. Or both. The large silver rose that was embossed into the plate on its left rather confirmed his suspicions.

It was probably a gun.

Ruby Rose had disappeared the old toaster, and replaced it with a mechanically wondrous monstrosity. He liked change. He reveled in it. But this. This scared him. Because for the first time in his life he was afraid that his toaster might fucking shoot him.

With a final glare at the bastard toaster he steeled himself and gently placed in two pieces of his favorite multigrain toast. With a hand he refused to admit was shaking he adjusted the dial and pulled down upon the lever.

As it clicked he leaped back, using his aura to fling himself across the room and slap a hardened guard across his front, bracing himself. The toaster hummed, though whether it was an ominous and foreboding hum or merely harmless was a gulf of ambiguity. He slowly let the aura shield slough off and stopped boosting his speed with aura. However at no point did he take his eyes of the toaster for more than a second. Even as he pulled his toppings out of the cabinets and poured cream and sugar and pumpkin spice flavoring, don't judge you heathen, into his coffee. 

It took slightly less time than usual for the “ding” to go off, although it sounded somewhat distorted. Shortly after the ding a little *clic-CLICK* denoted the toast being delivered. 

Roman smiled and relaxed a bit as he turned around to pull his toast from the slots, holding… nothing. His toast was strangely absent, and it wasn't found on the countertop. Slowly, dreadfully, he looked to the ceiling. Two pieces of toast were thoroughly embedded in the ceiling 

He stood stock still for a long moment, trying to consider exactly how hard his toast had gotten to have penetrated the ceiling, or perhaps how high a velocity they had exited the toaster to achieve the same effect when he heard the pat pat of bare feet walking on linoleum.  

“Looks like I miscalculated the ejection a bit.”

“A BIT RUBY? A BIT.”

“Well, in the first test it went all the way through the ceiling so i would say this is a  _ vast  _ improvement.”

 

THE NIGHT BEFORE

Neo had a long day. A tiring grindy boring day. She was aching from her shoulders to her toes and throughout her aura. She felt tension flood from her body as she striped out of her combat skirt  and equipment. She rifled through her drawers finding her favorite PJs, adorable onesies with little anthropomorphic neapolitan ice cream cones. 

She pulled them on and shut off all her lights. She fell into bed like an overburdened sack of bricks. The only light came from her scroll, upon which she was playing a weird ice cream coated version of candy crush. After an hour or so she gave a contented sigh stretched out, tossing her phone onto a pile of pastel pillows. 

She lay on her bed one hand over her eyes and the other hanging off the side of the bed. Silence fell in the dark room. Neo then heard two very loud sounds in very short succession. The first could only be described as a suppressed “TWOING”. The second, which followed immediately, was a pair of thunks to the left of her, one below and one above.

She had to ask herself, was it her problem? Could she put it off? Slowly she cracked her fingers so her left eye could see, and to her agitation it did. Two slits of light were coming into the room from the floor, perfectly outlining two… pieces… of… toast… 

Her scroll was out immediately as stomped over to the new holes in the floor. She typed furiously to ruby and looked down through the cracks. Sure enough there was Ruby, sheepishly looking up at her.

“Hi” She squeaked out giving a little half wave.

Neo threw her hands up at the toast and gave Ruby a look of bewilderment and agitation.

“I uh” Ruby stopped to check the message Neo had sent, which read simply THE FUCK RUBY?!?!#@$ and the continued “I made a couple miscalculations when I, uh, calibrated the springs...”

Neo slumped. Ruby was in her forge outfit, which was a simple white tank top sans stomach and cargo shorts. She had grease and sweat covering her skin and an adorable expression and it was outright killing Neo inside. Maybe, maybe had she not been so pent up she could have resisted Rubys sexy, but as it was Neo simply slumped and retreated to her bed. 

Ruby called up after a moment, “Soooorryyy Neo”

Neo didnt respond, but she did start headbutting her pillow.


	3. Chapter 3

Ruby absolutely beamed at Neo and Roman with pride and joy practically rolling off of her. Neo felt conflicted and Roman felt worried. Neo was overjoyed to see her beautiful face sober and truly happy. However she and roman both knew what this meant. She had bags under her eyes. She was in her forging outfit, which was doing things to neos heart. These were all the signs that popped up around the time that something, like say a weaponized toaster, an overenthusiastic dishwasher, and Salem's personal Blender showed up.  

“Guys” she was so hyper, Neo wondered how much coffee she had drunk. Romans eyes twitched around the small living room to see if he could spot whatever fresh hell was arriving next. “Guys guys gUYS. I… was challenged. I have BUILT what many said was impossible.  Pause for dramatic tension. ”

After a moment of silence Roman’s eyes bugged out and he began murmuring little “nos”. Neo typed on her phone and held it up to roman during Ruby’s dramatic pause. 

Do you know something about this. She texted.

He responded in a hoarse whisper of a simple yes. 

“I have designed, and constructed, a legendary weapon many didn't believe could exist.”

“ noooo ” roman whispered, putting both hands on his face.

“I have built… the Gun-Gun!” Ruby reached behind the doorway she was standing in and pulled out… a very large gun.

“I said one thing. I said she couldn't make a gun that was just more gun.” he whispered. “What have I inspired.”

The monstrous creation appeared to be mostly made of Tubes, at least ten currently visible ones, and a series of boxes and mechanisms with a pistol grip towards the back. It had a bipod that appeared to have small clips coming out the bases.  _ Was every one of those tubes a barrel? _

“I call her Vera, and she is the first of her kind, the first Gun-Gun! Its not just one gun, not five, not ten, I FORGOT HOW MANY GUNS IT IS AND I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN DAYs but its guNS ALL THE WAY DOWN IN THIS BITCH.”

It was definitely more than ten guns.

Ruby started flipping it about, rearranging it into various types of gun. The parts twisted in on and around themselves like some kind of multidimensional cluster. Of gun. It was hypnotizing to Roman, in a terrifying way. It would have been to neo as well but for the fact that Ruby was wearing very very short shorts so Neo had gotten hypnotized by something else entirely around the time that Ruby started transforming the Gun-Gun.

“Welp, now that that is done i'm gonna go put this in a corner never to be used.” Ruby said, almost wistfully and left the room. A moment after Ruby left the room Roman recovered a bit. 

“Of all the people in the world how did we wind up with the genius designer who invariably makes all my nightmares reality Neo?”

Neo gave a half hearted “mhm”


	4. Chapter 4

 

The docks were lively for this time of night. An assortment of uniformed goons accompanied by three original model atlesian paladins had come to raid a recent shipment of dust. It was fairly unfortunate for the robbers that this happened to belong to the Weiss Schnee Dust Cabal which had close ties to a certain headmaster by the name of Oscar. 

Which eventually led to five figures standing silhouetted against the shining moon less than five minutes after the alarm was triggered. One of them stepped forward.

“ALRIGHT ASSHOLES!” Yang yelled at them, stepping into the light. Her Ember Celica rested on her crossed arms. Her boots, hastily tied on, sans socks entirely. In fact there were a lot of things missing from her wardrobe. For example, pants. All she had were boy shorts and her signature, if a bit worse for wear, pajama top/scarf. As the criminals looked on the rest of the grouped stepped up and drew their weapons, similarly equipped. 

Blake was the most similar to Yang, in a tank top and lacy black panties. Beside her Roman stood out in very tight, very silky, very high cut boxers leaning on his cane, fully exposed besides said shorts and his hat. His hair and eye makeup were perfect however. Neo was in a pink onesie coated in a variety little chibi anthropomorphic neapolitan ice cream treats with her umbrella tossed over her shoulder. Ruby stood beside her, using a red silken bedsheet in place of her usual cloak, which did little to cover her excessively on brand red silk bra and panties, with her symbol stitched in silver thread over one breast, which was revealed by her arm pulling it back as she rested the massive Grandiflora Rose over one shoulder. 

“You picked a real shitty night to do this, cause we just happened happened to have nightshift tonight.” Ruby punctuated her sisters declaration by taking a swig out of a canteen that had mysteriously appeared. This also required her to lift the other side of the cloak sheet, revealing that her panties actually had small chunks of metal built in on the side. Neo, who had been looking at Ruby a moment before lowered her head into her palm and her shoulders drooped a bit. 

The leader of the ruffians was a hulking rhinoceros faunas woman who stepped forward. “Step off while you have the option ladies.” Roman looked a touch miffed by that but said nothing. Yang held out three fingers behind her back so that ruby could see. “You have no idea who you’re” with that there was a thunderous crack and Ruby disappeared in a fwoosh of flower petals. The leftmost atlesian paladin split through its torso and fell over in two pieces revealing Ruby who had appeared behind it. 

With that everything went to chaos. The goons twitched around, all unsure of who to target. A few of them got their answers as a flurry of fireworks from Roman and Yang blocked out their view of the other four fighters. The rain of fire knocked more than one fighter below half aura. A couple more were put out of the fight entirely by Yang and blake pulling Dynamic Entries directly onto their faces. Roman remained on the roof taking potshots and drawing the attention of the other two paladins while Neo gently floated down, the tiredness of having just woken up and the blush of seeing all this beautiful chaos being brought by her scantily clad friends.

Ruby flourished her scythe and with precision one wouldn’t expect out of a recently awoken  warrior placed an odd looking round into the open breach and slammed it shut. A second spin planted it in the ground and she looked down the scope. An ear shattering report made the world spin for a few of the more sensate faunus’ worlds spin. It also left a ten inch wide hole bored through the control deck of the second paladin.

Blake and Neo made short work of the  mooks while Yang brawled with the commander. Unlike her friends Yang was always a morning person so she wasn't feeling the effects of just having woken up. She let the rhino woman get off just enough hits to fully power up her semblance before beating her down in a flurry Ember Celica assisted punches and kicks.

Only the third paladin was left standing and after spastically looking around its arms shot up in the air in surrender. “I give up! Please, I’ll do anything you want.”

Yang put her fists against her waist and gave out a whoop while Blake nodded at the paladin to assure him that surrender was accepted. “Alright, man, I hope Weiss realizes she owes us big time. We wait till the cops show up then we are free to go home and get some more shut eye.”

It took a solid fifteen minutes for the police to arrive. In the meantime Yang had tried to interrogate the paladin operator who had surrendered, but he wouldn't give her any answers, so Yang threatened to let Neo have some fun with him, after calling her over and quietly signaling her to give him the “psycho sadist” eyes in response to which he promptly fainted. Whether this was to the terrifying visage of Neos sadistic glee, or that in contrast to the adorable stature and onesie of the deliverer is known only to him. 

Eventually they had been debriefed except for Ruby who had remained silent when the officer attempted to question her. They gave a quick pick over of the paladins and unconscious goons and found basically nothing but stolen dust and were ready to go.

Roman stretched, reaching one hand far above his head and placing the other on his bicep behind his head, giving Neo a first row seat to his toned stomach and shapely pecs. “Holy shit it's cold by the docks tonight” he said, bringing his arms back in to shiver “My nipples are as hard as diamonds. I think I could block bullets with these things” Neo had noticed. “Hey Neo, go see what Rubes is up to, we’re ready to roll.”

Neo walked over to where Ruby had remained standing, grandiflora planted in the ground by its long arching blade and one of her calloused hands resting on the barrel/staff. Neo walked around in front of her to sign at her, only to find Ruby’s head tilted up a bit under the hood. Neo looked around trying to pick out what she was looking at, but saw nothing but sky and perhaps some of the taller crates. Neo jumped up to wave her hands in front of where she assumed Ruby’s eyes were looking. This also, was to no avail.

Eventually she realized what had occurred. Ruby had apparently fallen asleep over fifteen minutes ago, while standing completely upright. Neo was a bit perturbed by this, obviously she was going to have to touch Ruby to wake her up. Neo was having a hard enough time living with the pale marauder because as with most of her housemates getting close to them in any state of undress started to melt Neo. Nonetheless Neo steeled herself and reached up and shook Ruby by the shoulders. 

Neo felt herself lifted into the air in a flash of movement and pressed against Ruby. One of Ruby’s chiseled arms was underneath Neo’s armpit and across her back lifting her up and pressing their chests together. Ruby’s silver eyes were heavily lidded, and she stared long and deeply into her eyes. Rose petals swirled around them after Ruby’s semblance boosted half-awakening grab. Neo’s body temperature was in a chaotic state. Ruby was extremely warm, so Neo was getting the full brunt of her warmth being held so close against her. The warm breath that was blowing across Neo’s lips from Ruby’s parted lips was sending chills down her spine, paralysing her and making her toes curl unconsciously. 

Neo felt her own eyes start to close and she moved her face miniscule amounts closer to Ruby’s. Her body went a bit limp against Ruby when she heard Ruby whisper her name.

“Neo?” Ruby said, louder this time, which shook neo out of her stupor. “Uh, I hate to ask but what’s going on?”

Ruby set Neo down very gently, at which point Neo discovered that her legs actually straight up wouldn't support her. Neo was caught long before she hit the ground and lifted up bridal style by Ruby, who asked her if she was okay. Neo’s already crimson blush deepened even more as she nodded.

“HEY! YOU GUYS COMING?” Yang shouted, and Blake slapped her on the arm for some reason. 

“Yeah we’ll be right there!” Ruby looked down at the fluffy pink bundle in her arms. “You sure you’re good Neo?” to which she nodded in response. Her blush completely undiminished due to Ruby's chest very notably being smushed against Neos rather sensitive stomach. “Good” 

Ruby transferred Neo to one arm and Neo draped her arms around Ruby’s neck, completely surrendering to the occasion. Ruby hefted her scythe over her shoulder and Neo felt her muscles ripple. If Neo would have been able to speak, or for that matter use sign language, she would have been utterly unable to form coherent thought.

Blake shared a knowing look with Roman as Ruby walked towards them, and Yang eventually caught on and facepalmed. 

“Did you actually fall asleep, standing up, during a fight, while there was still explosions and gunfire?” Roman demanded, gesticulating with his cane.

“Eh-heh eh heh heh” Ruby chuckled awkwardly. Neo didn't really feel like she could move.

“And why are you carrying Neo around like that?” Roman continued.

“Oh, I think she's a bit tired, so I'm giving her a lift” Ruby answered matter of factly. 

“Alright let's get home, it's three am and I have a class to teach tomorrow morning.” Yang essentially commanded, and everyone nodded and gave grumbles of approval. 

 

By the time they got home Neo was having a bit of a realization. After ruby sat her down on her bed she quickly signed to Ruby

“You didn't smell like alcohol!”

“I don't like to start drinking past midnight, makes me sick up.” Ruby signed back

“Then what was in the flask?” Neo continued.

“Warm milk!” Ruby signed back happily and said goodnight.

Neo waved back and laid back in her bed thinking about what happened that night. She spared the duct taped toast holes on the floor and ceiling the usual distasteful look. Her mind was rather clouded by Ruby’s warm breath, boulder shoulders, and her intense eyes staring back. In that moment Neo knew that she wouldn’t be sleeping for at least another half an hour. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited day after because yaknow. 5am writing isnt always top quality.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a good week for Roman. Everything had been fine. He and Neo had gone off on a job over the weekend, and he knew that Blake and Yang had taken Saffron out to go chill with Taiyang and Qrow for a while. For some reason he had hoped that Ruby had gone out to deal with something or other. Maybe taken a job. He should have known from the beginning he would not be so lucky.

Apparently she had decided to stay home and find a way to entertain herself. He had yet to see her, but he could already feel a sense of dread crawling over him. Something in the little shared kitchen was wrong. He wasn't sure what but something felt off. The artillery toaster seemed untouched, the little notches and post it notes saying what the dials did remained in place. He turned slowly and took in the room. Everything seemed…. Fine. 

He walked over to the cabinet and crabbed a glass then continued to the fridge to use the water dispenser there. As he did his eyes passed over the fridge. He couldn't move once he laid eyes on it. It froze him in place.

It had a beautiful coat of candy crimson paint, and across the right door a huge section of Ruby’s rose emblem. He very nearly soiled himself. The toaster was one thing. It had moving parts and such, but the fridge? What could she have done?

He managed to shake off his cloying fear to give it a cursory inspection. Nothing seemed to be all that different. The edges were smoother, some cosmetics had been applied, it now took up the entire space between the floor and the cabinet. It still had the split door, freezer on the left, cooler on the right. The water dispensary was in the left door. Everything seemed fine.

So, he steeled himself and with great apprehension set his cup into the water dispensary and pushed it against the pedal. A stream of water flowed quickly and quietly into the cup filling it faster than previously and without hassle. He sighed in relief. At least one thing had been properly calibrated this time.

He walked away despite the occasional untrusting glance back. He climbed the stairs and poked his head into Ruby’s room, which turned out to be quite empty.  _ Must be in the workshop then.  _ He thought. Sure enough descending to Ruby’s workshop found the huntress snoring in a pile of scrap in the corner.  _ How the fuck does she sleep on a pile of goddamn scrap metal? _

He shook his head and took off upstairs to his room.  _ I wonder when Neo will get home.  _

  
  


Neo got home about half an hour later. All she wanted in the world was to sit down with some ice cream. Everyone was asleep, so no one would bother her. No Ruby or Roman running around buff in the buff to distract her. No roving gangs of the haunch squad. (Hopefully) no midnight calls to action. No toast to fly through the fucking floor. Just her some ice cream and a quiet house. Maybe a nice game to play.  _ Yeah.  _ she thought,  _ Yeah I’ll play some Grimm Crossing.  _  That game was so relaxing. It was completely banned in most kingdoms because most found it excessively insensitive. 

She peeked in Ruby’s workshop and found the beautiful huntress reclining in her work clothes and covered in dust and grease on a pile of… metal. Neo shook her head and started up the stairs thinking about nothing but her ice cream.

She stretched as she reached the top of the short flight of stairs. As soon as she reached the fridge she grabbed the handle and jerked it open. In the split second Neo noted the candy crimson paint job and huge rose before she was chilled for an entirely different reason.

The second the door started opening a blast of icy wind erupted from it.  _ Ice dust! It's a bloody ice dust detonation!  _ She had gotten the door all the way open before the freezing blast hit her, encasing the entire left half of her body in ice.

She stood in place for quite a bit, processing what had just happened. She used her free arm to scrabble for her umbrella. She popped the sword out the top and started angrily picking away at the ice.  _ I SWEAR TO GOD ILL KILL HER AND THOSE BEAUTIFUL BICEPS WILL NOT STOP ME!!!  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one this time.
> 
> I'm so tired.


End file.
